Last Regrets
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: Established Kakairu oneshot. Set just after Pein destroys Konoha. Iruka searches for Kakashi in the ruins and doesn't find what he was hoping for. Continues on to Nagato's revival of everyone killed in the assault. Iruka has a serious problem with Kakashi sacrificing himself for the hundredth time.


Established Kakairu oneshot. Set after Kakashi 'died' after his fight with Pein and Pein destroyed Konoha. I'm really using my love for this too cute pairing to practice writing romance, since that has always been difficult for me, so, any advice anyone has, any compliments, any criticism- I'd love to hear it. Enjoy. Although not as much as Kakashi enjoys his naughty books, please :)

He ran.

Or, rather, he stumbled.

Stumbled through the wreckage, the ruins of his home. He couldn't run, not with his recently healed broken leg still too shaky to rest his weight on. So he stumbled instead, gripping the crumbling remains of unidentifiable structures for support.

He wasn't the only one struggling through what was once Konoha, searching, searching, searching. Without a way to see Naruto's fight in the center of the destruction, he was left to making his way through the village, coughing up dust and holding back his rising panic.

He was searching for one person. One person only.

The Katsuya on his shoulder had left, since his injuries weren't severe enough for what remained of Tsunade's Chakra to be used on. The slug had jumped onto a body that was barely alive and told him to go his way- and he had.

He passed dozens of others on similar missions as he, but none the one he was looking for. None eased the panic steadily growing in his gut.

For the first time, he understood what it must have been like during the Third Great Ninja War. He'd taught the subject to his students for years, sat through lectures on tactics and strategies based off battles that occurred during it, but he had never once imagined the sheer horror, the absolute destruction, of such a war. Of seeing his home laid to ruin, of hearing his friends cry out in agony, seeing their blood and their bodies, surrounded by nothing but death. It stunned him.

So Umino Iruka stumbled through the remains of Konoha, in shock, staring at the horrors before him with disbelieving eyes.

If it wasn't for the one man who was missing, he probably would've continued like that for hours.

He moved as fast as he could to where they had parted, going by instinct and memory, since the streets and buildings he would've used as landmarks were long destroyed. He didn't call out- it seemed wrong, somehow. The only sounds that broke the stillness were cries of pain and agony and those of the fight Naruto was carrying on against Pein- Iruka found that he couldn't call out and join the horrible noises echoing around the destruction.

When he finally reached where they had last seen each other, he felt almost crushed to see that the one he was looking for was absent. The only two in the area were Chouji and Choza- son leaning over father urgently, a Katsuya on the injured man, glowing green.

Iruka glanced around again, then froze when he saw a leg poking out from underneath what looked like a roof. It wasn't part of the man he was looking for, but it looked mildly familiar.

His eyes widened when he realized where he recognized it from, and he sprinted forward, forgetting his injuries entirely as he gripped the stone slab, straining to move it. His breaths came heavy as he fought to push it out of the way, and he let out a frantic swear when it simply refused to budge. He struggled to maneuver into a better position and pushed with all of his strength, finally succeeding in getting enough leverage to heave the rock to the side.

Underneath was just what he had been expecting- Pein.

One of him, anyway.

It wasn't the one he remembered fighting here, though. In fact, it barely looked human, with limbs detached and iron parts lying around it like it was some kind of robot. "The absorption one, eh?" he murmured. "What is it doing here?"

He straightened up and looked around again. Clearly, the situation had changed somewhat since he had last been present, which meant the man he was looking for was likely no longer here. His panic rose again. Just where was he supposed to look? He couldn't stand this much longer.

Just when he was about to despair, he caught sight of a body.

The body was buried waist-deep in the stones, trapped in a somewhat vertical position, facing the other way. He wore the jounin vest and his hair… his hair was exactly like…

"No," Iruka breathed. "No." He turned and ran as fast as his injured leg could move, jumping over stones and ducking under a structure that was about to collapse, but nothing mattered, nothing else mattered but the identity of that body.

And then he came around to face the man, and his identity rooted him to the spot.

_It's not true, it's not, it's not-_

But it was. That _was_ Kakashi trapped in the wreckage, a hole in his shoulder, blood streaming from underneath his hairline, vest torn. His skin was frighteningly pale, especially in contrast to his black shirt, and his hitai-ite was missing.

But the worst part was his eyes. Staring up blankly at the sky with an unseeing gaze. They looked dead.

"_Kakashi!_" Iruka gasped, his voice weak as he reached up to pull the jounin's arms free. "Kakashi, can you hear me?! Kakashi, wake up! _Kakashi!_"

But the man didn't respond in the slightest.

Iruka shook his head again, beginning to shake as he pushed rubble aside with one hand, desperately trying to pull Kakashi free with the other. "Hang on, hang on," he gasped desperately, refusing to believe it, because it just couldn't, couldn't be true. "Hang on, Kakashi. I'm getting you out of there. Hang on, please." He was repeating himself and he didn't know why. He couldn't stop talking to Kakashi, because if he stopped talking to him, then that meant…

It didn't take long for him to finally free the man and he pulled Kakashi up and into his arms. He skidded down the small pile of rocks to gently deposit him on the ground where his hand flew to his neck, feeling for his pulse.

What he discovered was easily one of the most hideous things he had ever felt.

"No. You're not de- gone, Kakashi. You're not gone. Hang on, I can help you. I'll help you, I promise." The body was still warm. There was still a chance that something was in there for him to bring back.

He searched the body frantically for whatever injuries had managed to stop his heart. There was blood on his head and his torso, but not enough to even make him pass out, never mind be near fatal. His legs were crushed, and while it made his heart ache to see the pain Kakashi must've been in, they, too, weren't fatal. So while he frantically rolled up his sleeves and began CPR, forcing his heart to do its job, he glanced to Kakashi's face again, searching for the final injury that had pushed him over the edge-

And that was when he caught sight of his Sharingan.

It wasn't his normal Sharingan. That black symbol… he had activated Mangekyou.

That accursed eye that he hated so much. That had put him in the hospital for over a week with exhaustion, that Uchiha Itachi had used against him three years ago to torture him that had landed him in a coma.

All in an instant, it all made sense.

The risks that came with Mangekyou Sharingan were great. The drain on Kakashi's Chakra was terrible. He'd used it just three times in his fight with Deidara and ended up being taken home to Konoha on Gai's back. Against a creature as powerful as Pein… he must have exhausted his Chakra entirely.

And his hands froze, hovering over Kakashi's still heart, his eyes wide in disbelief, entire body beginning to shake.

Injuries, he could handle. Blood could be replenished, broken limbs, healed, but once someone's Chakra was gone, it was gone. If their heart was still beating, the could be given Chakra transfusions, giving them the ability to cling onto life until they had recovered enough strength to survive on their own.

But, for a transfusion to save a life, the victim still had to have _some_ Chakra left- even a spark.

If Kakashi's heart had already stopped, that meant he didn't even have a trickle of energy left.

There was nothing he could do.

_"Get out of here, Iruka. Run. Now."_

_Lightning in his hand, red eye gleaming, ready to kill. A lethal weapon of Konoha, finely tuned and deadly. Entirely ready for the high-level fight that Iruka knew he himself was no match for._

_"You will only be in the way if you stay. Go now!"_

_And Iruka did run. Even if the terror of seeing Kakashi face Pein was worse then feeling the man's kunai at his own throat. He ran for his life, because Kakashi was right; if he stayed, he would only hurt his chances of winning. But, as he sprinted for safety, he realized he hadn't told Kakashi he loved him._

And now, he never would be able to again.

Kakashi never would've fought Pein like this if it weren't for him.

Kakashi was dead.

Kakashi was dead, and it was his fault.

The regret that he didn't tell him he loved him was so intense it hurt.

Iruka remained frozen over his lover, his hands sweaty and shaking, his eyes wide in complete horror. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be.

He never should've been stupid enough to be caught by Pein. He never should've been weak enough to just sit there and _watch_ as Pein raised his weapon. If he'd just been stronger, if he'd just been more capable, then Kakashi wouldn't be dead.

"Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka looked slowly over his shoulder to see Chouji standing behind him. His former student looked stricken, his eyes wide and red-rimmed, tear tracks on his dirty cheeks. Iruka just stared at him, unable to speak, unable to even let go of Kakashi's vest, waiting for him to say what he had to say. The ninja coughed and continued.

"He's…. Kakashi-sensei is… de-"

"I know, Chouji." Iruka was dimly surprised that his voice didn't break and that he was able to confirm such a thing. It felt like he was a million miles away, staring down at the scene in horror, unable to do anything but watch and pray it was a dream. "He… how did it…"

He didn't care, actually. It really didn't matter, all that mattered was that he was gone. Iruka didn't know why he had even asked, but Chouji still answered him.

"I don't know, exactly. He took on Pein and killed him… almost, I think, but was trapped in the rocks. He ordered me to go in his place and report the information to Tsunade-sama, but that thing was still alive. He sent something after me, I don't know what- he was trying to kill me, but… one moment it was there, the next… it wasn't. I don't know what happened. I didn't hear it hit anything- it just disappeared. Tsunade-sama said that he was… gone, already."

It was almost funny. Because of _course_, that was how Kakashi would die. Not from injuries. Not because his foe was stronger than he was. To protect someone else. He gave his life to protect another.

Iruka had no idea how he managed to keep his composure for long enough to send Chouji away. Long enough to wait until his former student was back with his father before he burst into tears.

"You. Fucking. Idiot." Iruka's grip on his vest slackened and his hand fell to his side as he collapsed, barely catching himself before he hit the ground. He pulled back his fist and slammed it into a rock as hard as he could, tears starting to blur his vision as he hit it over and over again. Why did Kakashi always have to do this. Why did Kakashi always value everything over his own life. Why, why, _why_.

He knelt by his side, leaning over so his head was resting on Kakashi's shoulder. "How could you," he whispered into the cloth, closing his eyes and burying his head into the vest. "How _could_ you. You're more than just a tool, a weapon. How could _die _like this. Didn't your own life mean _anything_ to you?!"

_He died as he lived. Never once going back on the belief he held so close to his heart ever since Obito died._

Even though that belief was one of the reasons he loved Kakashi so much, he wished that once, just _once,_ Kakashi had valued his own life enough to go back on it.

He actually sobbed into Kakashi's neck, gripping his hand so hard he heard a crack. It was as like if he held on really, really hard, Kakashi would come back.

"What about me," he whispered into the body. "You were always sacrificing yourself for other people. What about _me_. Didn't you realize who you were leaving behind? Couldn't you have acted as more than Konoha's weapon for just _once_ in your life?! You're more than that!"

More than anything, he wanted Kakashi to answer. He wanted to hear his voice again, see his eyes blink and glance over at him while he said something nonchalant and bored. He wanted Kakashi to smile behind his mask and tell him that everything was fine, he'd been injured worse than this before and lived.

But Kakashi just wouldn't wake up.

Iruka abruptly rose, still crying, ripping off his hitai-aite so he could tie it around Kakashi's forehead. He didn't know what had happened to Kakashi's, but it didn't matter- Kakashi had died for this damn village, he had died as its damn weapon, its tool- he deserved the honor of wearing its forehead protector more than he did. He, who did nothing but got in the way and forced Kakashi into fighting Pein and _killing_ himself.

Naruto's fight was growing louder and more hectic, but Iruka just couldn't bring himself to look away from Kakashi's body. Naruto winning or losing that fight wouldn't' change things. It wouldn't bring Kakashi back if he won; even if Naruto, by some miracle, crushed Pein and went on the bring down the rest of Akatsuki, Kakashi wasn't coming back.

Iruka simply clutched Kakashi's arm as if his life depended on it. He occasionally wiped his face with his sleeve but still stared at the body, unable to do anything more.

Suddenly, there was a ridiculously loud, earsplitting roar- the growl of a beast, one that still haunted his dreams, one that he would never forget. His head whipped around to stare at Naruto's fight in complete shock a split second before a shockwave blasted out, with Naruto as its epicenter. Iruka barely managed to use his Chakra to anchor his feet to the ground in time, and he cried out in protest when Kakashi was blown back, almost escaping from his iron grip. He tightened his hold on his wrist with one hand, shielding his face with the other, and the beast roared again.

Kyuubi. That was the roar of Kyuubi.

Naruto's seal had broken.

The shockwave died out and Iruka fell back, breathing hard, still grasping Kakashi. He pulled the man's body closer to his, watching in horror as what he had to perceive to be Kyuubi and Pein took their fight away from Konoha. The deadly creatures sprinted from the village so fast they were almost a blur, and, before Iruka knew it, his possessed former student had disappeared- along with Kakashi's killer.

Iruka stared after them for in complete horror. Naruto was dead. From Kakashi's vague, indirect mutterings about whatever the hell had gone on during the recovery of the Kazekage, he knew that the seal used to hold back Kyuubi's power was weakening. But for it to break at a time like this…

There was no possibility of Naruto winning against Pein. Perhaps the sealed-away Kyuubi did have a shot, but the Bijuu had broken the seal. There was no possibility Naruto's body could withstand such Chakra. Either Pein captured him and killed him, or the stress of Kyuubi's form would.

Naruto was dead, too.

Iruka hung his head, closing his eyes tighter, which did absolutely nothing to stop tears from squeezing themselves out and rolling down his cheeks.

In the end, Kakashi's sacrifice meant nothing. Naruto was dead. Konoha was destroyed. Pein had won.

Iruka kept his eyes closed for several moments in utter despair before he glanced back at Kakashi, and the sight of him almost turned his stomach. He closed his eyes with shaking fingers, because seeing Kakashi's dead gaze staring up at the sky was one of the most horrible things he had ever seen and he had no intention of looking at it for any longer. There was just something so, so wrong with seeing those mismatched eyes, usually looking so bored and dead in _life_, now looking so bored and dead in _death_. Swallowing back another sob, he buried his head into Kakashi's vest, hiding his tears in neck as he continued to shake.

"I'm so sorry, Kakashi," he muttered before his voice cracked. "…Sorry for everything. If I hadn't frozen when Pein found me… you wouldn't have… I'm sorry."

He shouldn't be so surprised. Because, really, it was just like Kakashi to actually _die_ from Chakra exhaustion. And even _more _like him to die for someone else.

And he wished that he had been there when it happened. Even if it had taken every last bit of his Chakra and he died himself, he would've given Kakashi his life. And, if that was impossible, he could've at least held his hand as he died.

Because he'd died alone, and that hurt almost more than anything else.

Iruka didn't know how long he cried into Kakashi's shoulder. He didn't know how long he knelt at his side, head buried in his vest, hand in his. Naruto was dead. Konoha was destroyed. He had no reason, no obligation, to do anything but remain and grieve. He had no energy or will to do anything else.

But then, there was a flurry of stunned gasps. Iruka slowly raised his head as the atmosphere changed from utter depression and sadness to uncertainty. He wiped his eyes and glanced back at Chouji, who was now staring up at the sky, along with his recovering father. Iruka followed their line of vision to see a mysterious, massive green cloud of light hovering over the destruction. He thought for a moment that this was it, that Naruto had lost and Pein had returned to finish what he started- but there was nothing sinister about the light. There was something comforting about it.

Suddenly, the cloud broke into countless individual rays of light, all of which darted down to the survivors of Konoha in a fine green mist. Iruka watched, stunned, as one headed right for him, piercing the air over his shoulder right into- Kakashi?

Iruka stared, his eyes widening as the cold, pale hand in his grew almost… warm? What was this supposed to be? A jutsu of Pein's?

But the gentle warmth continued to spread, and Kakashi even recovered some color to his masked face. Iruka froze, the possibility of what could this mean breaking into his mind, breaking the ice that surrounded his heart, and the hope it brought was like bringing rain to a parched desert. The most wondrous relief imaginable… could it be?

Iruka waited, his heart in his throat, refusing to let himself even hope. This wasn't what he thought it was. It couldn't be. If he dared to believe that and it wasn't true…

Nothing happened for one long, terrible moment. Kakashi remained still and cold and dead, and Iruka found his hand subtly shifting from Kakashi's hand to his wrist, his pulse point.

But nothing happened.

Another tear slipped down Iruka's cheek.

And then Kakashi heaved in a great gulp of air, mismatched eyes flying open in shock, and he felt the most wonderful, wonderful feel of a _pulse_ underneath his hand.

Kakashi gasped for breath, gaze still fixated on the sky, but it was awake and aware- none of that awful blankness from before, nothing that bespoke of the dead. He blinked once, twice before his head tilted to the side and he stared up at Iruka, chest heaving, his pulse growing steadily faster and stronger.

Iruka remained motionless, too shocked to move as Kakashi rubbed his head with his free hand before pushing himself halfway upright. He reached out and touched Iruka's cheek, brushing away one of the tears in confusion. "Iruka?" he asked, and his voice was the most beautiful thing in the world in that moment. "What's wrong?"

And then Kakashi couldn't speak, because Iruka's arms around him were so tight he couldn't breathe. Iruka buried his head in his shoulder again, this time, caught up in bitter disbelief, not horror. He felt Kakashi try to free his hand but he simply gripped it harder, as if the moment he could no longer feel Kakashi's pulse, his heart would stop beating. He started to gasp and held the surprised man closer. He simply couldn't bring himself to let go.

Thankfully, Kakashi let him hang onto him for several minutes where the relief was so strong it was painful. "Oh, Kami, _Kakashi_," he murmured when he could speak, still focusing on his heartbeat, before his voice broke. He sobbed once, out of both the intense relief and the pain of his death, still so raw and fresh it hurt. "You… _don't_ scare me like that. _Never_ do that again."

Kakashi stammered for several seconds before he fell silent, and Iruka finally released him, moving back but still holding onto his wrist with one hand, his shoulder with the other. Tears streamed feel down his face, but they were tears of joy. "I've done it now," he murmured brokenly before he grinned weakly. "I've lost it." Because there was no way the unfair world would bring him back. There was just no way.

Kakashi blinked again, seemingly befuddled and disoriented. "I don't… I was… dead, right?"

Iruka flinched before forcing himself to confirm the awful question. "Y- yeah. Yeah."

"Then how?"

"Naruto," Iruka breathed, realization hitting him like a physical blow. "Naruto must've won. Kami. …I don't know what he did, but god bless you, Uzumaki Naruto." He pulled Kakashi closer to him again, because he couldn't bear even the small distance that separated them. He heard his lover gasp and immediately pulled back, though, biting his lip in worry. "Oh, dear- am I hurting you? Kami, your legs-! I almost forgot-"

"No, Iruka, not me- _you_. Your arm. What happened?" Kakashi pointed at his right shoulder, and Iruka blinked in confusion before glancing down to see that there was a piece of rock buried in his flesh. The jounin reached up to touch it tentatively and glanced at him in worry. "How did this happen?"

Iruka hook his head and wiped hide yes, almost embarrassed. "Oh, it's nothing. I didn't even realize, in the midst of everything. It must've happened when I was trying to get out from underneath all that rubble."

"Still, that looks bad. You should get a healer nin to look at… um, Iruka? Where are we, exactly?" Kakashi looked around the crushed area in confusion, seemingly to have been in search of a nearby medic or at least a slug when he realized the utter destruction. "Why did you take me out of Konoha?"

"Eh…" Iruka trailed off uncertainly and scratched the back of his head. "I, um… didn't. This _is_ Konoha."

Kakashi let out a low gasp. He sat up straighter and looked around, eye wide, like him, unable to process the complete destruction. "H- how?" he finally managed hoarsely, looking back to Iruka.

He just shook his head. "Pein. The one you were fighting. I don't know what he did, but… whatever it was was enough to flatten the village. But that doesn't matter now. You're _alive._ Oh, merciful Kami, you're _alive_. Naruto… whatever you did…" Iruka trailed off before shaking his head, focusing on the feel of Kakashi's pulse once again.

"Kakashi-sensei? You, too?"

Kakashi and Iruka both turned around to see Chouji and his father approaching, Chouji smiled broadly, a Katsuya on Choza's shoulder. When they both remained blank, Chouji continued to grin and explained, "Everyone's coming back! All the dead people- they're waking up!"

"Naruto convinced the real Pein- Nagato- to betray Akatsuki," Katsuya said, in that meek tone that Iruka always found himself comparing to Hinata's voice. "Nagato used a jutsu that took his remaining Chakra and brought all those he killed in his assault on this village back. Nagato is now deceased. His partner, Konan, is leaving peacefully and has no intention of continuing the attack. Naruto is in bad shape, though. Chakra levels dangerously low, considering he is not in the village."

Kakashi paused for a moment before standing, even as Iruka reached out to try and stop him. "Katsuya, please, show me to his location. I'll go."

"Wait, Kakashi!" Iruka jumped to his feet and reached out to grab his hand in worry. "Your legs- they're broken, you can't just… come to think of it, how are you standing right now?"

"Hmm?" Kakashi glanced down at himself and stretched, lightly kicking at the dust to show off his unbroken legs. "Maa, I feel fine."

"And, your Chakra? It's… all back?"

Kakashi nodded with a grin. "Yeah. I feel like I could use Mangekyou a few-"

"No, you _don't_," Iruak said firmly, leveling a glare at him. "Don't you dare use that thing again."

Kakashi looked at him in surprise, eyebrows raised at his serious tone, before the Katsuya crawled up his arm onto his shoulder. He watched Iruka for a moment longer while listening to the slug's directions before he turned. "I'll be back."

And as Iruka watched him leave, he felt an odd pang in his heart, wishing he could hang onto his Kakashi for a little while longer.

He didn't get the chance to, though, not until Kakashi returned over three hours later. He was extraordinarily relieved to see Naruto on his back, blond's head pillowed on his shoulder- and not just because it meant that his worries that Kakashi's revival had just been some temporary, cruel curse were unfounded nd his lover was still alive and well, strong enough to stand on his own two feet once again.

And while Naruto was passed off into the arms of the villagers, the boy tossed up into the air in what was probably the happiest moment of his life, Iruka fought through the crowds to reach the man standing off to the side, watching it all with a smile.

"See?" Kakashi said innocently, his hands in his pockets. And Iruka didn't mention how relieved he was to see that Kakashi must've decided to wash his face on the way home, because all the blood on it previously was now gone. "Told you I'd be back." The copy ninja then closed his eyes, as if very pleased with himself.

Iruka nodded slightly. "Yeah. You did."

Then his fist connected with Kakashi's solar plexus.

Iruka stared down at the gasping man on the ground, his arms crossed, expression implacable. Kakashi gasped for breath, slowly managing to push himself up into a sitting position, staring up at him, his one black eye wide. "…That… was not the welcome… I was expecting."

"That was for being such a selfish brat." Iruka reached down and hauled him to his feet, then kissed his masked cheek. "_That's_ your welcome home."

Kakashi scratched the back of his head, as if confused. "Um… I… apologize for being selfish?"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?"

Kakashi shook his head, still grinning. "Nope, not a clue."

"Well, I was referring to you dying. Don't do that again. Ever."

Kakashi just beamed at him. "Don't worry- not planning on it."

Iruka sighed. "I'm serious, Kakashi. When I thought you were… I don't… look, I don't want to feel like that ever again. And that damn Mangekyou of yours… promise to stop relying on it, okay?"

Kakashi gave him a petulant look. "But I don't rely on it. Or my Sharingan, when I can help it. I've only ever used Mangekyou five times, anyway- three times against Deidara, twice against Pein."

"Twice?"

He shrugged. "Once to save Chouji, yes, but the first time was because he was trying to kill me with a projectile. I barely got to it in time."

The words were bad enough, but what got to Iruka more was his offhand tone. That bothered him so much. His usual flippant attitude, that usual bored look, like he was discussing a game of shogi over tea- it was _infuriating_. Absolutely _infuriating _that he could just talk about his own death like it meant nothing.

He had to resist the urge to hit him again.

"This isn't funny, Kakashi!" he said abruptly, pinning him back against a tree trunk and fixating him with a glare. "You almost di- hell, you _did_ die! Do you have any idea how scared I was? Do you have _any idea_ what seeing you _dead _felt like?! And if Naruto hadn't pulled off whatever miracle he did, you'd _still_ be dead!"

Finally, Kakashi did appear shocked- but only for a moment before he relaxed slightly and gave an owlish blink. "Yes, I would be. But I'm not. And, anyway-"

"You idiot!" Iruka made to hit him again, but, this time, Kakashi moved slightly so his fist whistled past his masked cheek and into a tree trunk with a splintering crack. "Why can't you take this seriously?! I thought that you were gone! And you just smile and laugh it off, like you always do! How can you just laugh this off like it's nothing!"

"Well, I'm alive now, right? No harm done."

"No harm done?!" Iruka gasped incredulously. "You son of a-"

"Iruka, wait. Before you hit me again."

"_What?!"_

"I'm sorry, okay?"

Iruka froze, his fist already cocked back for a third punch, the silver haired jounin in front of him gazing at the ground, mask hiding what, by the sound of his voice, was likely a nervous expression. "What?"

Kakashi shrugged, keeping his gaze fixated on the ground. "…I knew I was going to die when I used Mangekyou that second time."

Iruka shook, his eyes widening, his grip on Kakashi's shoulder tightening. His voice sounded choked and horrified when he whispered, "You… you _what?!"_

"Kamui takes a huge amount of my Chakra. I'd already used it once and have enough experience with Chakra exhaustion to know what it would result in if I used it again. But I didn't have a choice. If I hadn't used it, Chouji would've died, and I wasn't able to free myself to defend him any other way."

"So _why_ did you-"

"'Ninja who fail the mission are scum. Ninja who place the rules over their friends are worse than scum.' Chouji's a ninja of Konoha. You know me well enough by now to know I wouldn't just watch him die."

Iruka sighed and released his grip on his shoulders, taking a step back and trying to calm himself. He glanced over his shoulder at the raucous celebration still going on behind them before he looked back to Kakashi with an uncertain insecurity in his brown eyes. "Kakashi… I know that it's wrong of me to say this, and ridiculously selfish, but… what about me? When you knew you were going to die… did what that would do to me cross your mind? At all? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything or make you feel guilty, but-"

And then Kakashi was yanking his mask down and swallowing his nervous words with his lips.

And at first Iruka remained still with a surprise, but then he was kissing him back. Pouring every last bit of pain and fear left over from when Kakashi was dead into him, one arm coming up to fist through his hair, the other gripping him around the waist tightly as he moved until Kakashi's back was up against the tree. They kissed frantically for a long minute, Kakashi accepting all of his pent up emotions and taking on the burden himself, making them disappear.

When Iruka finally pulled back, gasping for the air, Kakashi was smiling. And that sight made him smile, too, because he had honestly never believed he would see that expression again.

"Feel better?" Kakashi breathed against his neck as he moved closer again, his time arms wrapping around him in a soft embrace.

"…You didn't answer my question, though."

"Maa, what was it, again? I don't recall."

Iruka smiled slightly, in spite of himself. "Now I remember why I put up with you're infuriating indifference. It always makes me laugh. But… damn it, this isn't funny. Kakashi, when you were… when you were dying… did you… think about me? Don't tell me the only thing on your mind was kissing me, you pervert."

Kakashi sighed regretfully. "No, but I was hoping a kiss would distract you."

"Answer, Kashi."

Kakashi closed his eye and lowered his head. He seemed reluctant to make his admission, but finally did say in a small voice, "I was thinking I wanted to see you one last time. But then, I realized that if you were there with me when I was dying, you would be crying. And you crying makes me sad."

Iruka's eyes widened. "…You're kidding."

"Actually, no."

Iruka glanced away, his hard grip on Kakashi's shoulder relaxing into a caress. "So, I guess you opening your eyes to see me crying wasn't exactly the revival you had imagined, huh?"

"No. But I wasn't imagining one at all. And I'm glad I woke up to you, even if you _were_ crying." Kakashi smiled again, and Iruka leaned forward so their foreheads were touching and closed his eyes, inhaling Kakashi's scent. Unlike before, it wasn't mingled with blood and death, and it was just purely _Kakashi_.

It wasn't enough to wash away his memory of Kakashi _dead_, but it was a start.

"Oh. I forgot. I did regret something."

"What?"

"I didn't get to tell you something before you left."

Iruka chuckled quietly. "And that something was…?"

"I love you."

Iruka sighed quietly before his lips met Kakashi's again. "You know, I regretted that too."

"I thought you might."

They kissed for a moment longer before Iruka spoke again. "Promise me," he mumbled into his mouth, "you'll never do something like this again- _especially_ for me- and I'll say it back."

This time, it was Kakashi who pulled back. The copy ninja looked him in the eye, seeming entirely serious, and his voice betrayed none of his usual indifferent attitude. "You know I can't make that promise."

Iruka swallowed the lump in his throat. He had already known, in his heart, that it wasn't fair of him to ask Kakashi this. Kakashi had been willing to make a lot of concessions in their relationship, but he had known from the beginning that he would have to deal with Kakashi sacrificing himself for the sake of his teammates- and that was growing more painful than he had ever thought it would be.

So, could he take watching Kakashi get hurt again and again? Could he take watching him _die_ again?

When he looked into Kakashi's eye again, at his soft silver hair framing the side of his face and his lips curved up into a smile, though, he realized he was asking the wrong question.

Could he take breaking this tender bond between them? Could he take telling Kakashi he couldn't stand this pain anymore and sending him away? Could he take living without him?

And, after that very possibility had been forced on him just a few hours previously, Iruka already knew the answer to that question.

"I love you, too."


End file.
